There used to be a time when making friends was the key to influence.

That was when the World was bigger and friendships actually meant something to the people you called ‘friend’.

They were kind of an elite group within your World.

An ‘inner circle’ of people you could rely on to be there for you when you needed them and. of course, they could rely on you for the very same care, help and support.

A friend was something you valued and guarded closely in case you somehow lost this most valuable of treasures.

Then something happened.

‘Social media’ made the World small and changed the definition of friend from someone who was loyal, trustworthy and inextricably linked to the most important parts of our lives to an icon or photograph on a ‘friends list’ who we would, in all likelihood, never meet and never get to know more about than their Tweets, status updates or blog posts chose to tell us.

Somewhere along the way we collectively decided that a wide and shallow group of friends would serve us better than the narrow and deep group we used to spend all our time with.

At least, somewhere along the way we were persuaded that this was the way to go.

Probably by those same people who told us time and again that ‘the money’s in the list’ and so, of course, wide and shallow became the order of the day, especially if you had something to sell.

But what happens when EVERYONE has a wide and shallow group of ‘friends’?

Just look online right now and you’ll get the answer to that question.

Lots of people following lots of people… and going nowhere!

And because they’re going nowhere they’re getting frustrated and because they’re getting frustrated they’re trusting less and because they’re trusting less they’re LESS friendly!

People are taking your free reports and unsubscribing from your lists faster than ever before…

They’re making snarky comments of your blog posts and videos too.

They’re less and less connected to you than ever before because, quite simply, they don’t have the time for you and what you have to say because…

…you’re not really saying anything!

Oh sure, you post and update regularly, but then, so does everyone, right? But are you actually saying anything? Anything worth remembering, I mean?

Probably not.

Especially if the best you can do is tell people that you ate blueberries and oatmeal for breakfast… every day of the week!

The truth is, if all you’re talking about to your ‘friends’ is the same stuff that everyone else is talking about then there’s no real reason to listen to you at all. If I can get the same thing from 1000 other ‘friends’ today then why do I need you, right?

The short answer is, I don’t!

And as much as you may be pleased with 20 comments saying ‘yummy!’ to your morning meal, what good has it done you or anyone else? How has that helped you to dig down and develop a deeper friendship?

It hasn’t and you know it.

So why would you keep on investing your time and effort into a relationships that’s going nowhere? What’s the point?

There isn’t one.

But there IS a much better way to attract into your life all of the people who would really fall in love with you and your message.

Instead of trying to make friends, make enemies.

Alright, maybe not enemies as such, you’re not trying to generate haters, but what about making it really plain for all to see what you’re really about and, more importantly, what you’re NOT about?

See, as soon as you tell me what you’re NOT into, you allow me and others who are ‘following’ you to decide whether to cut the ties with you are to dig deeper and take our friendship to a new level.

Telling me that you think aerobic training is a complete waste of time allows me to either find out more about your unique perspective on conditioning or to recognise that our values aren’t aligned and go looking for a better friend.

It’s win-win.

You get to go narrower and deeper with your list of friends and I get to look for someone who I can believe in.

Narrower.

This means a SMALLER list of people (at first, at least) of people rather than the bigger list you’re currently so proud of.

Deeper.

This means people who really ‘get’ you and your message rather than those who, despite your 50 status updates a day, know practically nothing about you, what you stand for or what you’re against.

To go narrow and deep is easy.

Say something.

Not just anything but something that’s worth remembering. Something that other will want to remark upon because it touches them and moves them in some way.

Be remarkable!

It’s not that difficult y’know.

Just tell the truth about how you feel about something that’s important to you and you’ll start to attract others with the same views as you whilst at the same time, giving those who don’t see things the way you do the chance to either come around or find a new friend who does.

Speak your truth. Share your values. Be remarkable.

That’s the recipe for friendship. That’s all it takes.

Get to it!

Dax Moy
Join My FREE Personal Trainer Succes Community

P.S – I’m not anti-social media. It has value but only to the degree that you actually SAY something worth listening to.

Most people don’t.

They waste their chance at doing something really special, really amazing by sharing meaningless, mindless… crap!

Don’t waste your excellence, your brilliance or your ‘remarkableness’ by falling into the ‘talking crap’ trap that so many find themselves in.

Your message is far too valuable for that.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 24th, 2010 at 10:18 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.