** A Note From Dax**
All of my coaches are required to complete a full reading list as part of their education at my studios along with essays, dissertations and practical exams that demonstrate their understanding and ability to apply what they’ve been taught.
One of my junior team, Dominik Zaerin has recently been reading ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People
Read through it and apply : )
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I’m sure that many of you may have read this book before, and the messages within it are not new to you, but they are timeless, and definitely effective.
So I thought I would take the opportunity to remind you of some things you guys already know! : ) enjoy!
First published in 1937, this book is a timeless, easy to read and re-readable, gem of social wisdom that anyone, anywhere can apply to their lives. The principles shared in this book are not tricks or techniques; rather, it is an assortment of essential concepts of being a charming, emphatic and highly effective social human being.
My view of this book is positive and I enjoyed it thoroughly. In the following report, my aim is to condense, highlight and emphasize the major points that Carnegie discusses and to share my understanding of what it really takes, for you to become an effective, popular and influential person in a socially diverse world.
As Coaches, these principles must be recognised and embodied even more than the average professional. I am not saying that others should not be like this; every human being should try their best to harness true social excellence and skill. The world would become a fantastic place.
Our job is to being out the best in people, to evoke the power, potential and energy in all of our clients, and help them win at the game we call life.
Egotism is self-destructive, lonely, and desperate.
Selflessness is self-nourishing; people will love you and care for you.
You reap what you sow.
Therefore you must nurture the self interest of the people around you and live generously, skilfully and lovingly; and show genuine concern for all humans and life. The World will recognise your intention and provide you with gifts aplenty.
FUNDAMENTALS ON HANDLING PEOPLE
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain about anybody to anybody! You will only create and nurture resentment immediately or over time. It is very easy to whinge and moan but it won’t get you anywhere, and people will see you as weak and bitter, even though they will probably never say it.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation and encouragement – there is a difference between praise and flattery, and the magic word is sincerity! Most people can smell a fake, so unless you are a real piece of work, I wouldn’t insult the other person’s intelligence by thinking cheap, and empty flattery will get them on your side, rather they will not take your word seriously and you will lose your authenticity, really quickly.
3. Arouse in others a deep, eager want – let’s be honest – hardwired into the human instinct is the will to survive, to fight, scrape and claw and to become healthy, wealthy and happy. People always want to know what’s in it for them, what are they going to get out of it? Show people that ultimately, your suggested method or idea will benefit them greatly in some way, and you will have a loyal and eager participant.
Nutshell: nobody cares about you, they only care about themselves. So dangle the carrots in front of them – portray possibility of ‘self gain’ and you will have a willing, highly motivated individual at your side.
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring”. – Alfred Adler, famous Viennese psychologist.
6 WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
1. Become genuinely interested in other people – imagine talking to somebody and constantly hearing stories them, listening to them repeat words like, “I”, “ME” over and over and over again.
You may become extremely bored or annoyed. So think about how you communicate with others. People love to talk about themselves and their lives, so show genuine, sincere interest in them and they will love you. Simple.
2. Smile ☺ An ancient Chinese proverb: “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” A smile is a universal message of good will, happiness and joy.
Especially in today’s miserable, corporate cities, when almost everybody is wearing a frown or glassy expression, a smile is like a beam or sunshine in torrential rain. A smile costs nothing, but creates a lot!
3. A Person’s name is to them the sweetest, most magnificent word in any language – the average person is more interested in their own name than all the other names in the world put together!
Realize that if you truly remember a person’s name and make a point of remembering it from the very first time you meet them; you have a magic bullet to making people feel really special
4. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves – give the person your absolute full attention, there is nothing worse than speaking with somebody who is watching something or glazing up at you occasionally whilst engaging in another activity.
Listen with your ears, but also your eyes, hands, posture.
Do not interrupt the person and shatter the flow.
Show enthusiasm, respect, patience, empathy and do not be critical of their opinions, simply try to understand them. And you don’t require any of that piercing ‘soul gazing’, just respect eye contact and do not shy from it – it will show the speaker respect, attention and charm.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest – show interest in the person’s ambitions, life achievements, hobbies, or any other defining subject that is close to that individual’s heart.
I have said it before, but the key is to communicate genuine and sincere interest and enthusiasm about that person.
Some people are hidden treasures of knowledge, wisdom and experience – so let them tell you about themselves, who knows, you may end up making a good friend or learn something new?
6. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely – it is one of the defining aspects of what makes us human. We all want to feel important in some way or another, Everyone in the whole entire world wants to feel respected, loved, appreciated… even feared?
As William James once said; “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”.
The truth is, deep down, the person you are talking to will feel superior to you in some way, and they will size you up and try to find out what they are better at than you.
So the trick is to acknowledge their importance, in any situation, by highlighting their strengths and abilities. Show them that they are valuable, interesting and attractive in some way and let them know about it.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from him.” Emerson
“Do onto others as you would have others do onto you.”
Jesus
Dominik Zaerin is a level 1 coach at Dax Moy Personal Training Studios, Islington.
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Isn’t that great?
I think we ALL need to remember Dale Carnegie’s lesson and try to apply them daily.
You see, winning friends and influencing people IS in every sense of the phrase what marketing is about. Especially fitness marketing where those friendships and influences can literally change every aspect of a person’s life.
Master Carnegie and you master marketing. Period.
Thanks for the report Dominik, I think this’ll get people thinking : )
Dax Moy
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